What’s up people! It’s been ages since my last date. Loads of things have happened since I last blogged; World War 2 was declared and actually won, Saddam Hussein was found in a hole in Iraq and subsequently executed, George W Bush found a stray nostril hair poking out and was therefore savagely assaulted by a vicious pretzel.

As I guess most of you all realized eons ago I took down my blog due to the absurdly massive amount of spam I receive on a daily basis, most of which were politely inviting me to partake in sinful activities involving pharmaceutical products, mothers and daughters, lose weight dramatically, increase the girth and size of an unmentionable organ and last but not least have fun with animals. Yeah, in that way too. The rest of the lot involved random people enthusiastically thanking me for putting up a wonderful and great site for them to spam. When the spam amounted to more than 30,000 comments, I despairingly threw my hands in the air and proceeded to take off the entire blog of the site.

However, now thanks to the wonderful spam killer software which does everything it promises (and more, much to my dismay) I managed to delete all the spam off the blog and thus decided to risk blogging again. The next person who starts spamming the comment box is going to get a stiff electric drill (with spoon attached) in the eye.

How have you all been? I wish you all a grand “welcome back”. Yes, all 2 of you who actually do read my blog without failure. And to those who, in the last few months, came to the empty-site-which-used-to-be-my-blog, please do yourself a favour and go get a fucking life. I mean, it’s very sweet of you to be sitting there clicking on the refresh button hoping that something will come up, but honestly, it’s lame just sitting and staring at an empty screen with nothing but the words Error 404.

Trust me. I know.

I’m now in the lovely Singapore sitting in Starbucks writing this down and wondering if I’ll be jailed for writing this down really, really big;

OMG I’M THINKING OF ORAL SEX!
ORAL SEX! (in font size 250pt)
ORAL SEX!!
ORAL SEX!!!

*glances furtively around*

I’m here to attend a job interview in a tiny local advertising agency situated near Geylang Rd. Walking through a street lined with legs which would willingly spread for you while carrying your laptop and a portfolio is a bizarre experience. It’s hard to focus on preparing your presentation when creatures looking not unlike an unholy cross between Elton John, Phua Chu Kang and Queen Latifah try to attract your disgusted attention by thrusting out their fishnet enclosed silicon mammaries in your face. Half of them look like they need wire cutters to shave their legs.

*update*

The place is just as a thought; dodgy. Sitting down here and hugging my portfolio bag and wondering whether the next person who passes by me is going to stab me fucks up your nerve. The entrance to the office is situated in a dingy back alley behind a food court, a 7-11 and a Hotel 81, of all places. Awesome. Everything I need is here.

thoughts come in, thoughts go out. as i sit here watching the cigarette smoke blow past my screen, i delve in and out of my sub-ether. is anyone out there? more importantly, is there anyone in there? talk to me and prove that you’re real. am i hearing white noise?

*click*

she runs through fields of sunflowers, each one brighter and with a deeper hue of yellow than the previous. i await here with my arms open, looking like a twisted scarecrow in a field of rotting wheat. above me, a lonely small plane does the loop the loop, hoping someone would see and appreciate his effort.

*click*

hi, sweet thing. i want to be your friend. your SPECIAL friend. i can teach you a lot. i can make you feel good. don’t worry, i’ll look after you. oh, don’t mind the belt. trust me. this will feel just as good for you as it will for me.

*click*

here we go around the mulberry bush
place your pen on your eye and give it a push
if it starts to bleed then do it once more
watch blue streaming down the scarlet orb

*click*

we lie on the roof, looking at the stars. are we alone? who are you? are you real? somewhere up there a cloud floats by lazily.

we lie on the roof, and look at the stars.
we lie on the roof, and look at the stars.
we lie on the roof, and look at the stars.

*click*

ok, so i haven’t blogged for ages now. who cares if the last time you read a post that i wrote you were just wetting your diapers and now… well, you’re still wetting your incontinence pants. pardon me if i offend you, but the dust and spiders and spiderwebs and moths and random sheep from my rather long-disused keyboard are going up my rather large nose, causing me to be rather irritable in rather a short time. in short, i’ve got a nose as red and raw as a slab of, well, red and raw meat.

to be fair, i HAVE thought about blogging every now and then, to tell everyone what a great time i’ve been having doing fun productive things like trying to play Queen’s bohemian rhapsody on an elastic band and stabbing my eyes with a plastic fork until either a) the plastic fork breaks, b) my eyeballs burst, or c) the plastic fork melts out of sheer petulance and thus blinds me. i could also tell you how rubbing a raw mosquito bite only makes the same area look reeeeeeeaally sexy to other nonchalant passing mosquitoes. i could add in for good measure how i found out that curling my fingers in this particular direction causes my cats to hiss, spit, claw and generally do a pretty uncanny rendition of michael jackson’s moonwalk. but, of course, fortunately for you, i won’t.

i’ve been turning the cogs in my head lately. i’ve been thinking over the polite how,s why’s where’s, who’s and all those necessary crap to prove one is alive. you know that feeling you get as a kid when you run (or in my case waddle) over fields in the sun? i’ve been going through a lot of those random childhood memories. after a while, they started to irritate me, so i decided to exorcise them nasty demons by actually reliving that happy time.

case study one: the zoo.
have you been to the zoo lately? what can you remember about it? i went there, and experienced the quiet joy of wrinkling up my nose at the bovine smell of a ton of shit being gracefully plopped down from the rather crusty ass of a pachyderm. the air was full of the sounds of roars, bellows, squawks and the random grunts of little midgets busy trying to dig themselves out and vowing never to stand again behind an elephant with diarhorrea. besides that lasting impression of rectumus massivus and a surprisingly peevish looking pink hippo, i can’t really recall the rest of the experience as there wasn’t anything much to remember. after an hour of quietly mooning the chimps and throwing peanuts at the primates, causing them helluva lot of irritation, i sauntered off feeling slightly unsatified and feeling the strong urge to wear a feather boa and do the macarena in front of the zoo guards while singing “who let the dogs out” in the musical key of C major. i settled for a quiet humming as i went off to the car.

case study two: the bird park.
bravely facing my natural phobia of a hairful of bird excrement, i went to the birdpark, only to discover one thing: the only thing worse than divebombing bird shit is divebombing BIRD. what’s up with our feathered friends? as i looked around and watched the tourists waddling about gratuitiously in their bright yellow and green and orange shorts and their waistbands up around their armpits i began to sympathise with the birds. indeed, it was all i could do to keep myself from launching off a bench with a beautifully executed flying kick to that fat red face. the only birds that were tame just so happened to be the ones which were in the cages and basically couldn’t give a shit (literally) about the porky faces outside looking in at them. oh, and the ostriches too. the ostrich, admittedly looking like a cross between a giant turkey, drew carey and a large surprised baboon is an interesting creature. did you know that they talk to each other in guttural grunts? you didn’t? well now you know. so there. feeling enlightened?
case study three: the national museum.
i went in to the national museum at 3.00 pm,
i came out of the national museum at 3.30 pm.

case study four: the planetarium.
i was going through a major phase of naive stupidity as i honestly thought that the main purpose of a planetarium is to generate public interest in space and technology. of course, all you clever people know that the planetarium was built solely to give your brain a reason to commit harakiri out of sheer desperate boredom. i learned nothing at all there, except that if you knock an annoying kid’s fat forehead from the right, he would turn in that direction thus giving you the chance to smack him up from the left nicely. there is this rather fun room in there though, with the droll name of “the anti-gravitation room” where you can feel the effects of gravity gone wrong. it’s just a room tilted a mere 30 - 40 degrees on a weird angle, but the effect is nauseatingly fun. all of us knows what fun it is watching suitably fat annoying bratty kid try to clamber up the steep floor, failing and whacking his forehead again against the wall as he stoops to grab that fried drumstick that slipped through his fingers, and of course, you can be reassured to know i made sure to give him a nice knock with my elbow as he went thundering past.

there’s tonnes more i could write about what i did in the last few months which i’ve never wrote about, but i’m just lazy. my blog’s become boring and non-existant. it’s not even legally a blog anymore. where’s the gossip? where’s all the “he said this, and then she said that, and then he did this and then it was so funny and we laughed hahaha”? where’s all the kawaii ‘let’s pretend i’m not posing for this picture when anyone with half a brain can see i am” pics?

good lord.
i am so behind the times. like, if i don’t get my act together, how can i ever expect to be a famous celebrity blogger with my picture in the newspaper and cnn interviewing me and being featured in this months bloghunk of the month??? i’m depriving everyone of me!

the horror!

i am the great pretender.

i am the one who points to the sky and runs at the images in his head.

i am the one who obeys the voices.

i am the one who laughs when everyone else frowns.

i am the one who frowns when everyone else laughs.

i am the one who questions the unquestionable.

i am the one who is beaten to death for it.

i am the tiger in the jungle.

i am the lion on the plains.

i am you, and you are me.

everything has follicular dreams.

life is too short for maybes, perhaps, sort ofs, kind ofs and i guesses.

no matter what happens, never forget that there’s always the clouds.

fishes in aquariums always swim in circles, for they have no where else to go.

wow i never knew it was humanly possible to feel THIS tired. my fingers are trembling, my knees are weak, my neck struggles to keep my head up, my eyelids are giving way, my toenails are screaming, my shorts are flat and i think my brother made sweet, passionate love with a grizzly bear.

my work is piling up. much too tremendously at that too. it just keeps coming and coming like a cheap whore aboard a ship full of sailors.

sometimes, i feel like giving up. but every time that happens, i think of the poor starving children at the orphanage which i donate my wages to. imagine their beady little eyes filled with innocence and desperation, and i push on.

“do it for the children!” i tell myself.

this post is merely a short break from my hectic schedule. today, i slept for 15 hours, had a 2 hour bath, played with the kittens until they ignored me, surfed the net until mum smacked the upper right side of my head, watched 40GB of anime twice, trained my toes to do a mexican wave, perfected a Beautiful Fluttering Butterly Winter Sonata manoeuvre with my left nostril AND, (hold your breath, people!) I also PLUCKED MY EYEBROWS. *faints in disbelief at the sheer amount of work i single handedly accomplished *

sigh. life’s tough, but someone’s gotta help the children.

Okay, I suppose some sort of introduction is necessary. Last night’s post must’ve made his readers think he’s gone bonkers! I apologize, that was just little ol’ me

Since [K] has been such a lazy bugger who won’t update his blog no matter how many times I threaten to play that ‘Crazy Frog’ song to oblivion, I’ve decided to temporarily take over his blog! Yay. Go me and all that. *dances on toes*

Hello there!

I’m Porcelina. Currently in college whiling away my uneventful life doing silly little things us teenagers do. Um, if what the television portrays of us is true, then we’re doing stuff like fiddling about with Hotlink, watching MTV 24/7, listening to Too Phatand dressed as if our parents were multi-millionaires. Or attending ‘Black Metal’ gigs and sacrificing goats to a poster of Amy Lee from Evanescence. But I digress.

When I was little, my mother always said that if I didn’t study hard, I’d grow up to be a road sweeper. What she didn’t tell me though, was that if I studied just enough to pass my grades I’ll just grow up to become a confused person who hasn’t yet decided what she wants for the future. Suddenly, the career prospects of a road sweeper sounds all too assuring/enticing. Hmmm.

I think I’d look really smashing in a reflective jacket and a straw hat.

:. porcelina .:

Fucking little manipulative bitch, why don’t you just die. Fucking dislodge yourself from this crowded room and get the fuck out. Leave why can’t you just fucking leave and get the fuck away from my face. I don’t want to see you and your disgustingly hideous fingers anymore. I’ve had enough please just go. GO GO GO leave me alone.

You sit there smugly in your self consuming sphere watching watching watching me. Waiting waiting waiting for me to crumble crumble crumble like a broken cookie.

“Crumbs strewn all over the floor sweep it up, dearie!”

I’m too tired.

:. porcelina .:

Anything comes and everything goes. That’s just the way it is. We’re constantly caught in the rush of temporality and the distant longing that reminiscence brings. And every time you have a quiet moment, you find yourself staring blankly at random inanimate objects because you feel so drained of emotions that your body naturally melts onto the chair. Of course the people around you will interpret this as Severe Masturbation Syndrome (SMS) and shake their heads as they look at you saying something along the lines of “Tsk tsk tsk, see what happens when you wank too much? Your pupils dilate and you become weak and you look like that wasted motherfucker over there with the limp wrists wrapped in some bad show bandage that he tells people he’s doing a Sagat cosplay but we all know it’s just from over exerted wanking, the little bastard“.

To set the record straight, my right wrist gets injured not because I’ve been wanking furiously and repeatedly. It’s because I’ve got such a massive fucking dick that it takes a whole four minutes for my palm to slide from base to tip, and after every wanking session I emerge with toned muscles which is good, but I also get a damn tired wrist and a really wasted face, which is bad because chicks don’t dig guys who look like their dying. I mean seriously, I don’t see chicks throwing themselves at AIDS patients. Or having a girl’s night out at the hospital. Or flirting with the folks at the nursing home.

Oh dear. That was a little inconsiderate of me, wasn’t it? Whatever, go read Oprah’s transcripts if you want sensitive and politically correct drivel.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. My cryptic yet emo but sagely outlook on life.

KFC is an accurate reflection of life: Juicy, tender and crispy and slightly overwhelming.

Wtf.

When you start understanding the concept of life and its temporary circumstances, you tend to restrict emotions and disengage yourself from giving 100% in the people and things around you, simply because you fear and know it’s all going to go away in the end. You begin seeing things as if they were flickering images, on the verge of disappearing completely at any moment. Of course sometimes it’s because its raining heavily and the Astro reception gets fucked up and every song on MTV sounds like Beastie Boys’ Ch-Ch-Check it out.

And then you become numb. Then you turn to alcohol to bring out emotions of happiness, sadness, anger, jealously, lust and all that other shit women embrace whenever some dyke feminist tells them to “celebrate your emotions, gals!”, because well, you’ve been so detached that you forget how to feel.

Then again, sometimes you HAVE to turn to alcohol because bad shaped people just cannot learn to fucking stay home and put an end to visual assault. NoooOooOoo. You uglies just HAVE to come out and display your aesthetic deficiencies to us, subsequently forcing us to consume copious amounts of alcohol. Ugly people made me an alcoholic. Hey that sounds like a damn good song title for an indie rock band from the potato patches of Idaho.

And most of the times your heart desperately tries to find a suitable emotion to befit the situation but your body has memorized all the escape routes so well you forget how to stop and fully appreciate the moment.

So maybe, just maybe, you need to learn to stop fearing and anticipating an end to the circumstances, people and environment around you. Enjoy the moment whilst it’s still around, and later look back in retrospect and smile.

And that is why all you hot hoes should not hold back any notions which involve either

a. throwing yourself at me
b. worshipping me
c. giving me an alternative to wanking *ahem*
d. all of the above

Because you should embrace the moment (and my body) whilst I’m still attractive and available, instead of worrying about trivial nonsense like whether it’s going to work out between us or if I’m just using you for my own satisfaction or how you might get hurt, sad, rejected and all that other menstruation induced emotions.

Love me. NOW.

And get me a barrel of KFC whilst you’re at it, will ya.

And so I was thinking maybe
We should go somewhere this weekend
Drive to a sunrise at the furthest ends
Far from this stale cigarette after taste
And snippets of last night’s memory waste
Oh wait, was it from the night before last?
I no longer know what’s present and past

And so I was wondering maybe
One day we’ll wake up before dawn
I’ll brush my teeth whilst you yawn
We’ll blearily get in your ride whining
That it’s far too early to be driving
And we’ll sing like idiots all the way
Because your radio has seen better days

And so I was considering maybe
We’ll pullover to watch the canvas sky
Navy and vermillion streaks up high
Sooner or later your tummy will indicate
Its time for your breakfast bacon and eggs
Then we’ll hunt for a quaint little café
We’re naughty, so run, its time to pay!

And so I was pondering maybe
Somehow we’ll arrive at a remote beach
We’ll pretend pretty seashells make us rich
In the warm yellow sand I’ll dig my feet
Deeper until they reach the cooler bits
Whilst you absorb the sun and breeze
Later we’ll laugh at your wind swept frizz

And so I was contemplating maybe
When my Asian skin starts to turn red
We’ll sink into a seaside resort room bed
And talk whilst dozing in and out of slumber
As the TV rambles something we don’t bother
The time will come when we get up finally
To stuff ourselves in seafood delicacies

And so I was imagining maybe
After dinner we’ll stroll under the moonlight
Walk away the guilt our pants became tight
Back to the room for a couple of drinks
Okay I lied, I’ll likely down a dozen I think
Collapse after one drunken laugh too many
No need for dreams, it has come true already

And so I was thinking maybe
The sun will pour through the windows
We’ll reluctantly accept its time to go
These memories for keeps on a shelf
Should a day be bleak I’ll smile to myself
Because I’ll think of how we never held hands
Yet you’ll always be my favourite sunshine friend

aku tengah duduk di depan komputer aku dalam keadaan setengah bogel. biasa ah kan, aku ni selepas habis mandi suka gi ber-blog sambil menampilkan badan aku yang bukan saje harum mekar bunga mawar tapi jugak tegap lagi macho menawan hati minah-minah kilang semua. hmmm pasti korang pun terasa ghairah terfikirkan badan aku ni yang seksi tahap dewa Adonis. mmmm *sambil menggentel puting belah kiri mengikut arah lawan jam*

anyway, aku nak jugak ber-blog dalam BM hari ni. tak kisah ah kalau korang tak paham ke, malas nak baca ke, tak peduli ke, tak teringin nak toceng ke, tak tertarik kat janggut aku yang sekian hari semakin lebat dan penuh sifat kejantanan ke, biar ah. ini blog aku, suka hati aku ah kalau nak membebel dalam bahasa kebangsaan kita ni.

*jeling maut serba kiut kalahkan bapuk-bapuk kat Lorong Haji Taib*

tapi sebelum aku terus merepek untuk hari ni, biar kita cover isu-isu yang penting dahulu:

korang tak tertarik kat janggut aku yang sekian hari semakin lebat dan penuh sifat kejantanan ni?! apsal la pulak? hensem per … macho per … kiut per … ranggi per … berkaliber dan berpotensi per … layak masuk Akademi Fantasia per … eh! selambe korang gi muntah kat atas keyboard. jangan ingat aku tak tau. hah! aku nampak tu, kau! kau yang tengah gelak berguling-guling atas lantai tu, hentikan perbuatan tak senonoh itu sekarang jugak! ko ingat ni ape? filem hindi?! koleksi video joget hitam legam bersinar?!

kalau ye pun nak jugak berguling tu, pakailah baju dek oiii. puting ko tu dahlah berbulu, kang bila guling-guling tu terkutip plak habuk, bulu kucing, bubble gum serta serbuk biskut wafer coklat yang kat atas lantai tu sampai habis satu dada penuh sampah. mana tak menjolok mata aku yang suci bagaikan ikan talapia yang baru dilahirkan di celah-celah batu pelbagai bentuk dan warna dalam Sungai Gombak.*diiringi lagu dramatik merangsangkan perasaan sedap hati ala Finding Nemo*

okei sebenarnya hari ni aku pilih untuk ber-blog dalam BM sebab aku nak buktikan pada korang semua yang aku ni bukan budak Melayu tak guna. aku bukan celup, mahupun ciplak. aku masih boleh bertutur ngan cemerlang! hidup abu hatim azizan! yeh korang semua boleh jilat skrotum aku!

kepada budak pompuan cina tulen ngan mata sepet yang hilang pabiler dia senyum, nah ambik kau. aku tau ah ko boleh gi berborak ngan Mat Burger pasal skim pinjaman MARA dan aku plak tak malu gi order “tetek ayam” kat Kay Epp Si. tapi pada hari ni 17 haribulan November 2005, aku, Abu Hatim Azizan Pendekar Sejati Sedunia, telah menggunakan ilmu sakti Testis Besi padu maut yang paling hebat di dunia Kusykatur Genesis untuk menumpaskan badan gempal ko lalu mengakibatkan gegaran hebat di seluruh petaling jaya. hah kutuk aku lagi. ambik kau ambikkkk!!!

-siaran berita spontan bermula-

gempa bumi terkejut di petaling jaya hari ini telah menumbangkan 56 roti tisu, 675 gelas teh o ais limau, 247 gelas coke dan 4 gelas teh ais di gerai-gerai mamak sekitar bandar. tiada sesiapa yang tercedera melainkan tetek seorang perempuan yang kini tidak layak digelar Tetek Ganas, dan juga seorang jejaka tampan yang tidak boleh berhenti menjerit “Hatiiiim, babi lah kau gi tumpahkan Coke atas seluar putih aku! tak pasal-pasal seluar fesyen aku dikotorkan! camne aku nak teruskan pose macho gaya Legolas aku lepas ni?! hampehhhhh!!!”. seorang saksi yang berada di tempat kejadian melapor, “saya ni tak reti guna chopstik untuk makan, setakat tau guna untuk ikat rambut adelah”.

-siaran berita spontan tamat-

*senyum ngan puas hati sekali sebab tau korang tertarik kat janggut aku yang sekian hari semakin lebat dan penuh sifat kejantanan *

sekian, terima kasih. babai.

i swear i am such a kid.

i’m maniacally giggling to myself as i fiddle about with the controls of my miniscule new remote control car, which i swear more resembles an annoying cockroach than a car. i must admit, there’s nothing compared to the pure joy of plaguing their lives with an annoying 2 inch car scurrying about all over the floor, banging their legs all over the place. ah, this is bliss.

i just turned 26 yesterday. i’ve only got 4 years to the big three oh (no pun intended, wong), and yet still i feel unfulfilled. to be honest with y’all, i’m not even sure what i’m trying to fulfill anyways. i guess that’ll come in time.

ah it’s a great day today.

the sun is out shining. the grass is green, except for some patches where some random stupid incontinent cat just had a messy and exciting defecation, by the look of it. my younger brother, ali, is out doing whatever it is he loves doing. to further bore you all i’ll even make u a list of the random things that he has done before.

01. brutally and passionately beat a pillow to death with sticks. later he calls for back up from his friends. medics say that the pillow was beaten till it died of massive internal haemmorhage. cops found evidence of brutality from the feathers stuck on ali’s hair.

02. lie down on the floor and pretend to be a scuba diver swimming. later he is joined by two of my cousins. on a carpet. in the middle of the hall full of people.

03. spray paint the tyres of my bicycle red. oh, and the pedals too. tried to spray paint the saddle too, but unfortunately spray can dies and wheezes out it’s dying scarlet breath. end result? a bicycle which looked like it belonged to Leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

04. tied a string to a packet of wriggleys chewing gum and tied it to his finger. ali claims that this prevents the packet from escaping. he can now efficiently throw the gum away and yet it’ll never escape.

05. wears a kain pelekat and put the cats under it. now honestly i have NO idea what so ever what he’s trying to do here. all i know is that later the cats look damn haunted and their ears lie flat back against their head for at least a week or so.

haih. anyways it’s getting cold now. i’m still sitting about typing after i got out of the shower, wearing nothing but a pink towel with little white rabbits sewn along the seams. it’s really strange how random thoughts always seem to come to me while i’m in the shower.

must make a mental note to change to a different brand of soap i guess.

i know, i know, i said i wouldn’t blog anymore and what do you know, a spanking new post! gosh! the cheek! but you know what?

fuck you all. it’s my blog, so there. HAH! go me.

i’ve been feeling the urge to post up something on my dying blog, but just can’t seem to get into the mood anymore. How many times have i sat in front of my pc and stared blankly at wordpress, willing words to come up and leave my fingertips to the keyboard to the screen? i don’t know; i lost track after the umpteenth time i sat down and connected to the internet.

so here i am now, wondering what i could possibly blog about, while petulantly scooping Nestle Strawberry Yoghurt Anytime Is A Good Time For Yoghurt! into my mouth. oooh check it out, it’s even got little strawberry bits. but i’m straying. life has been pretty quiet and chill lately. i’ve spent many a day sitting outside in the lawn and watching the grass grow and the birds sing and the bushes swaying in the wind ala FeiCiPet’s marvelous armpit shrubs. the joyful innocent kittens who use to plague me by romping about happily before gnawing my toes off have grown up and turned into Fucking Blazing Demons From The Lowest Pits Of Hell and will likely get a kick up the snout should they attempt to try and nibble me again. in short, the joys of life for me now involve sitting down listening to everything around me with a quiet smug know-it-all smile on my face which irritates the hell out of the people around me. ah, bliss.

i guess this is the effects of getting on in life. you mature, you settle down, you chill out. gone are the days when you used to think that having vanilla ice hairstyle is cool. gone are the days of mc hammer pants and bon jovi mullets. and the best part? rock is truly dead, and pop is here to stay. dammit i feel old.

what happened to those pogo days when you used to bounce about and everything was cool, everything was under control?

what happened to the days when moshing involved real hard assed bands, and rock wasn’t a fashion statement?

what happened to the days we could eat and drink whatever we wanted and not worry about your fucking weight, or your fucking cholesterol or even whether it’s ethical?

what happened to the days when you could be whoever you want, and not give a fuck what other people think?

what happened to the days of eternal sunshine and summers in the park?

sigh.

everything changes, ultimately. even good music taste.

but honestly the next young “punk” who comes up to me in chains and spiked hair and goth eyes and piercings and tells me that he really “is into ROCK like good charlotte / simple plan / busted / avril lavigne / WHATEVER” is going to get a stiff finger in the eyeball.

hard.

Monday – Meeting with GH Kuala Lumpur Nefrology Dept to talk about Kidney Failure. highlight of said meeting:

1. Found out that said kidney campaign organization logo is a small little peanut shaped man in a top hat, doing a jig.
2. Found out that Malaysia has the MOST diabetic leading to kidney failure sufferers. In the world. Hell yeah. Whoa.
3. Found out that the whole purpose of the presentation is to apparently drown people in so much information that they run screaming from the theatre.
4. Found out that the whole committee for the Kidney Association Malaysia comprises of seven pregnant women and one very tired looking smug faced doctor.

*thoughtful.*

Ah, I couldn’t be arsed about it anyway. I’m going to sleep.

Tuesday – Meeting with some studio in Brickfields who wanted me to do a 30 sec flash animation. Highlight of meeting:

1. 4 hastily scribbled frames drawn on the back of some rough piece of a4 scrap paper does not constitute a storyboard. You moron.
2. I didn’t understand what the fuck he was saying, when he tried to explain each frame. Whaddaya mean, just “make the character do anything lah”?
3. Wearing a kain pelekat (some weird sarong, only more designer and k3wl and l33t and shit coz it’s got a checkered pattern, so stop laughing and fuck off lah) to Brickfields and realizing that you’ve lost your car keys is not cool. It’s soooo not cool.
4. finding out that it’s IN the car ignition slot and that the said car isn’t locked either redeems the coolness factor. Yeah. Go me!

Wednesday – Meeting with GH Kuala Lumpur ICU for Terminally Ill Presentation. Highlight of meeting:

1. I’m scared of dying now. Can someone euthanise me if anything happens to me please?
2. Perking up a dying person is waaaaaaay much more harder than perking up a living person.
3. There are three types of terminally people:

a) The comatose.
b) The bravely struggling to lead some semblance of normal life.
c) The petulant.

4. There is no way one can walk back to the carpark without some strong emotional sentiment lodged deeply in the heart.
5. I managed to use the word petulant.

Thursday – Spent most of the time generally coaxing the computer to do work through the usual method i.e. generally kicking the computer, giving it a few good thump s on the back and threatening it with a overly large sausage and a petulant looking flower.

Thursday evening – Heard some weird muffled thumping noises outside. Peeked out the door to see 12 year old brother furiously beating the shit out of a pillow with sticks. The said brother is then joined by stick wielding friends who proceed to bludgeon pillow to death.

*Closes door quietly*

Friday – Meeting with Mia Palencia to submit design for her backdrop for her party. Highlight of said meeting:

1. Found out that I was also invited.
2. Found the name Greased Lightning to be funny for some weird obscure reason.
3. Realized how stupid I look wearing a striped shirt and a striped tie to boot.
4. Found out that printing a 17ft poster is a lot cheaper than I expected.
5. Wondering whether I can print out shu qi as wallpaper literarily now.

Friday night – Met up with friends at various clubs and bars and hot spots in KL. Highlights of said meetings:

1. Networking, baybeh, networking.
2. Alcohol, baybeh, alcohol.
3. Cigarettes, baybeh, cigarettes.
4. Having intimate relations with a toilet bowl as you puke yer guts down its throat.
5. Setting off a few car alarms accidentally.
6. Finding out that the Melbourne shuffle that you were trying to do looks more like an ostrich going through rigor mortis as it died doing the after pee obligatory shake and twitch.

Yes, alcohol makes me sooooo coherent.

as i sit here, it occurs to me
tiunyamacibai i’m craving for kfc.

as i sit here, i think to myself
chivas on empty stomach not good for health.

as i sit here, i wonder why
i’m wearing only a towel while waiting to dry.

as i sit here and days go by
it makes you realise how fast time flies.

as i sit here all wet and depressed,
mum smacks me on the head and yells “go get dressed!”

*piak*

ouch.

have you ever sat down just staring at one finger long enough that after a while it becomes two? if you have, take the said finger and jab it deep into your eye. too much time on your hands ah?

i’m starting to get pretty bored of blogging. its becoming the same old slog everytime i post up something. i did this, she did that, we both did this, insert funny comment and voila instant ejaculated blog. add in one or two pictures to spice things up. isn’t that the usual format for most blogs nowadays?

i could blog about how i managed to wank off and successfully and artistically draw out a portrait of che guevera all over the wall, but i won’t. i could blog about how i spent some time watching the mechanic fix up my car, hoping he makes a mistake so i can get some excuse to run him over, but i won’t. i could even blog about how i used to mosh in the studio to the point of banging my tender right eye into the mic stand, thus giving me a lovely shiner, but again, i won’t.

i mean, come on… who would want to read about that?

i’m pretty disillusioned about a lot of things. people change all the time. i’ve changed. you’ve changed. he’s changed. see the moron standing there near the bus stop outside happily scratching his bum and sniffing his finger? bet you he’s changed pretty much too. or maybe he didn’t.

i used to be this person who you could read. i was so transparent, it was almost indecent. you could pretty much well read my expressions and know almost every little thing that was going through my head. i’ve now fogged up and become opaque. and not due to steam or porn either, dammit. friends now tell me it’s almost like i have a mask on; noone knows what goes on behind this frozen smile of mine. they can’t tell if i’m really getting all emo and pissy about something, or merely mentally reviewing Bored Naked Housewives Playing About With Frozen Turkey Bits Vol.1 - Guaranteed Instant Hard On!. from that sunny happy-go-lucky sunshine boy who used to wear his feelings on his face, i’ve become this withdrawn introvert whose only burst of life is to down a couple shots of tequila and then proceed to do the can can dance complete with a feather boa.

i’ve started really looking at people. it’s really amazing what you can find out about someone merely by watching the way they talk, the way they walk and all those little things. sometimes what i see really amazingly actually does hit the nail spot on, but often i find that i am waaaaaayyy off the mark. but sometimes even the bullshit makes sense, in a way. i guess i have to thank college about that. i learnt nothing there, except how to bullshit so convincingly that you start to believe it yourself.

and now, just to annoy you all and make you all wonder what the FUCK i am talking about, tis time for some cryptic notes. if you understood any, good for you. well done. full marks.

1. if the carpet is senget or anything, LEAVE IT BE. i don’t care.

2. his name is HAM. i don’t care. i think drunkie’s a pretty silly name. what’s wrong with ham?

3. never work for any company that starts with S.

4. maggi is not fresh. no matter what you do, no matter how you cook it, it isn’t fresh. it’s goddamn artificial. so fuck freshness, ok?

5. if a masculine guy says pony in a masculine way, he still remains masculine. nothing wrong with a macho man saying pony. dammit.

6. and stop thinking about my ass! you ass groper you.

oh dammit i just love kittens.

and why not?

when you can sleep like this at any goddamn time of the day, you deserve respect and love.

that has got to be the best “look-i-got-run-over-by-a-steam-roller” impression that i’ve seen in years.

doesn’t everyone hate the smog? that cloying feeling in the air of sticky residue from the illegal burning over in indonesia? thanks a lot. i can’t even enjoy my bitching sessions at the mamak now even.

without a valve to release the bitchiness, i can feel it up to here already. gone are the days lying down on the grass outside staring at the sky and wondering about all those essential questions of life, like why chicken tastes damn good, what is the actual cup size of pamela anderson truly, and why do wedgies happen? you, know, important questions like that. now when i lie down on the grass, i have to watch out for funky smells and weird stains on the ground. dammit the cat shat here. and to top it off, no stars twinkle back at me, assuring me that yes, someone is up there and even though He’s put me on hold, at least there’s someone answering the phone. Now all i see is a gray mist that stinks of burnt wood and indonesian sweat.

going to class was great this time. i got there in time, had some lunch with a friend and hurried to the class room. i was early for once, i was prepared, and everything was going great. i couldn’t wait to see the look on the lecturer’s face when he sees that i’m THE FIRST to come to class.

did some work on my japanese phrases for a while, and got carried away.

as you can see, it was a full class.

dammit.

where the hell did everyone go?

this morning i left my house at 12 to get to my 1 clock lecture.

1.45pm and i am still not even at sunway yet, thanks to all the lovely people who seem to love taking the ldp so much. i love cyberjaya. it’s so fucking far.

to quote chern, “grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

being fired had it’s perks.

with so much free time on my hands, i decided to go out and catch the sun. heading to pangkor for sun, sand and surf, i decided to just take it easy and chill.

i came back without a tan, or any sweet memories of bikini-clad babes frolicking on the beach while eating ice-cream either. what i did get were nightmares of saggy wrinkled 50 plus year old caucasian butt covered in skimpy white briefs. dammit. and every night i wake up sweating and screaming in fear as the butt gets closer and closer. *haunted look*

i’m becoming too analytical. i’m starting to see that there is a reason for everything, and it drives me crazy as i try to figure out what it is. in fact, i’m starting to get the Look from other people when i start wondering aloud why a grapefruit is called a grapefruit when it looks NOTHING whatsoever like a grape. fruit. whatever.

retail therapy works. if you’re feeling pretty low and all that, head out and buy whatever the fuck you want. go ahead. then as you open your wallet and check your available balance, make a suitably horrified face, run to window on the 22nd floor and jump out dramatically screaming head first. i bought myself a new toy to play with. no, ma’eka it’s nowhere near as nice as your treo, but hey it’s pretty good and i like it ok? so there. hah. now i keep a few of my porn on it. portable porn. i’ll name it as pornable set. go me!

bumming around at home may sound like fun for those who work like mad, but after the 50th hour in your bed twiddling your thumbs, a few things happen.

1. you get bored of your thumbs.
2. your thumbs ache.
3. your ceiling does not change colour or anything.
4. astro becomes boring.
5. you and chasey lain have done every humanely possible position involving german sausages and cheese in your head and now you’re both sitting down wondering what else you could possibly do.

maybe i should hit the recruitment ads again.

but at the same time, nah…. i think i’ve just figure out a few more positions that i could practice out with chasey, jenna jameson and sylvia lane involving a rubber duckie.

oooooh, i’m going to need to get some feathers and a red and white polka dotted garter belt first.

*hurries off*