i’ve got goosebumps.

it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

it’s flattering in a weird twisted way when people in the street start glaring at you and hiss “lazy blogger!” in menacing undertones. i didn’t realise that i was denying them their weekly dosage of satire and stupidity.

here i am, sitting in a freezing cold office while my sunburnt skin flakes off cheerfully, leaving red raw patches of flesh behind. yeap, i’m cooked. well-done, too.

redang during wesak holiday is still somewhat a haven on earth, despite having little kids which you could cheerfully and happily throw off the boat to feed the sharks that supposedly inhabit the waters. me being to wussy and scared to feed the sharks decide instead to feed breadcrumbs to little nemo wannabes. a peaceful three day holiday filled with sand, sun, sea and plenty of alcohol at night, we decided to spice things up by having a banana boat ride.

for those of you who have never ridden on a banana boat, be warned.

it hurts.

oh yes, it’s fun to be dragged across the sea at the speed of 60 km/h with seaspray splashing you in the face and entering your every orifice. it’s great fun to try and yell manfully… or in my case, whimper pathetically as you try to hang on to a bucking bronco which seems to have every intention of tossing you off and humping you in a lust filled frenzy. it’s even fun when everyone realises that there is no fucking way at all that they can hang on and doom lies ahead in approximately…… 2 seconds.

it is not fun, however, when you fall and hit the water face first at 60 km/h. seawater goes up your nose, and takes up residence in your brain. the boat goes over you and continues on in it’s mad bucking frenzy, apparently with your arms still attached. it is with great surprise that you notice that they are still somewhat attached to your torso. it is also with great surprise you realise that the foot of the person behind you has intimately made friends with your ribcage, and has apparently been trying to dryfuck each other in earnest. as you reach the surface of the murky water, coughing and spluttering and generally trying to puke out the gallon or so of seawater from your guts, what better way to cheer you up than to have the boatdriver cheerfully and casually mention that there are sharks spotted in this general area of water at night. after four or five similar dunkings we limp back to the resort laughing and comparing bruises.

on the boat heading back to the mainland, we are happily reminded of the banana boat when our ferry happily tilts suddenly to one side, almost capsizing, causing screams of consternation and one dear old aunty to lose her grip and go tumbling across the floor. with bated breath we await a second tilt and prepare to dive off the boat in a exciting and graceful jump, but unfortunately the boat straightens itself out and we reach the jetty without further undue excitement.

to alleviate our disappointment, lunch was at kuala terengganu where i entertained the rest by showing them how swollen my lips was from an allergy to seafood which i never knew about.

due to a strange reluctance on my side to resemble fez from that 70’s show, i cut my hair short.